Nobody Here

This isn’t really about stories, just about the places where they’re told.

Toddler story time is on Tuesday mornings in my new town. It’s a small town with a library to match. A converted house, and old, with that library smell that sticks to the books when you bring them home.

When I was a trainer I would sometimes use a card catalog analogy in one of my Microsoft Access classes. Once in a while, I’d get a new hire so young they didn’t know what a card catalog was. I’m thinking of putting one in my house, myself. Shocking, the idea of not using Excel for such a thing, but I’m a sentimental girl.

My library was pale orange brick with a whole wall in the kids’ section dedicated just to Newbery books. I still dream about it sometimes. The back door was a walkout basement, and when it rained the mist would sink down and fill up the little bowl of parking lot there. It was spooky walking out that way even though that was before the word pedophile had hit the mainstream. It was just that for a tiny second you’d be disoriented, unsure whether you’d walked out into the same world you’d left. Depending on what you’d been reading, maybe you hadn’t.

The years I spent at the Thomas P. O’Neill, Jr. library, stuck in a corner into the night – no, actually, not really stuck, I was happy to be there, and happy to have the excuse not to be anywhere else, although I’d have been careful, at the time, who I admitted it to – made me fall in love, absolute love, with those green desk lamps. It’s a sickness that horrifies my husband to this very day.

I don’t really use libraries much anymore. I try, as much as I can, to pay writers for their work. Borders and B&N are sanitized versions of the libraries of my youth, bright and happy and with snacks not only allowed but encouraged. You lose something for the luxury, something that’s a little dark and sleepy and not entirely good but is still a part of reading and learning. Nothing smells there. Maybe that’s because the books aren’t alive yet.

*Post title ripped off from Rufus' "Tell Me Something Good"

I was very prepared to love Sin City. Even if I didn't usually dig comic book movies, even if the reviews hadn't been overwhelmingly positive and the visuals in the trailers clearly kickass, I still would've been prepared to love it, because, you know, Bruce Willis. If Blockbuster had a video of Bruce Willis spending two hours tying and untying his shoes, chances are I'd rent it, if Twelve Monkeys and Die Hard were all out. But therein lies problem #1: not enough Willis, too much Rourke. And that's the least of Sin City's problems. The vignette style didn't work because the stories weren't tied together in any logical way, and the transitions weren't... actually, they just weren't. Even though I usually like the movies they inspire, I don't read graphic novels or comic books (Frank Miller's or otherwise), so not being familiar with Sin City I didn't always know what was going on. But this didn't frustrate me, mainly because I didn't care. It's hard to believe that characters drawn so over-the-top and played by such cool actors could be so boring. In fact, the only thing harder to believe is that that much gory violence would inspire such... sleepiness.

I'm not sure who to blame for this one. Actors, good. Directing, good. Visuals and style, good. Maybe it was the script, or maybe I was just in a bad mood. You can try it for yourself if you want - it's guaranteed in stock at BB - but I can't recommend it.

the Wit (57% dark, 19% spontaneous, 15% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN COMPLEX DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

Thanks to UV for the link to this test, which can be found here.

As of today you can get Mr. Touchdown, a literary young adult novel by Lyda Phillips, from amazon.com. Buy it for your kids, buy it for yourselves, just buy it.

I’ve had the privilege to be in a writers’ group with Lyda for a few years now and as such have read several of her pieces. She’s an excellent writer with a talent for description that transports you. This book’s characters are so real that I relentlessly bug her for more information about what’s happened to them since the book ended, where they are now, what they’re doing. Incidentally, she won’t tell me. Maybe if this book sells well, she’ll be forced to write a sequel, and I’ll finally be satisfied.

Here’s the text of my review at Amazon, for anyone who’d like to know more:

As a story about desegregation in the 1965 South, racial issues are at the front of Mr. Touchdown, and as a historical and social piece alone it is certainly a worthwhile read. This was a difficult and frightening period in America’s history, and Phillips captures that tension with amazing skill.

But while this novel’s treatment of the universal issue of prejudice gives it built-in relevance, it also goes beyond black and white. Kids who aren’t into history and didn’t even know that students of different races once attended separate schools will still find much to recognize here. At its core this story beautifully encapsulates the quintessential struggle of youth to find its own agenda amidst the competing agendas of family, friends, and culture. Like all good coming-of-age and finding-yourself tales, this one deals with fear and courage. Unlike many, it does it without a heavy or didactic hand and is truly an engaging, enjoyable read, full of characters who will stick with you long after you’ve put the book down.

Finally, I am an SUV-free woman! Archer, you are no longer obligated to give me the finger should you pass me on the highway. Of course, you may still want to, for old time's sake.

UV posted this week's Unconscious Mutterings and it included "favorite curse word" which of course reminded me of the questionnaire on Inside the Actor's Studio, which I often walk around my house asking people, although I leave out all the sucking up, because you don't really want the people you live with getting big heads. And I thought it would be fun to ask the blog peeps too. So here it is. Answer in comments.

What is your favorite word?
What is your least favorite word?
What turns you on?
What turns you off?
What is your favorite curse word?
What sound or noise do you love?
What sound or noise do you hate?
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
What profession would you not like to do?
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Mine:
What is your favorite word?: I don't really have a favorite word. Everyone in my house laughs at me because I think the word "poop" is hysterical and always laugh at poop jokes for use of the word rather than context. For meaning, I guess my favorite word is something all flowery like love or courage or truth. Also I like my daughter's name.
What is your least favorite word?: the c word
What turns you on?: wit
What turns you off?: pushiness or bossiness
What is your favorite curse word?: dipshit
What sound or noise do you love?: the sound of my dog's tail thumping when I walk into a room, and my daughter's serious belly laugh
What sound or noise do you hate?: the sound of my dog's yawn, and the vacuum cleaner
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?: criminal profiler
What profession would you not like to do?: nurse. I think nurses are great of course (like anyone is anti-nurse), but blood makes me queasy.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?: You did fine.

I was excited when I heard that Tim Burton, whom I adore beyond measure, was doing a film adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I even spent one of my extremely valuable you-put-her-to-bed-I'm-going-out chips to see it, which is the highest compliment I can pay to any one or any thing.

For the first third of the movie, I was loving it. The visuals were fantastic and a lot of the little touches were lovely (I particularly enjoyed the modern update on tv-addict golden ticket winner Mike Tevee). Tim Burton injected his usual weirdness into an already weird tale, and that was fine, because, well, it's Tim Burton, whose weirdness is endlessly entertaining, and also because you'd have to add something to that book to get a script out of it. There just isn't enough conflict to provide a movie with the kind of momentum it needs. You can go on for pages without ever even seeing book-Charlie, and a passive hero/title character isn't really the sort of thing Hollywood digs.

Then Johnny Depp showed up, as you knew he would, because it's a Tim Burton movie. If Tim Burton did a live-action Schoolhouse Rock, Johnny Depp would sign on to play Lolly. And Depp is entertainingly weird in his own right. Most of the time, when he goes left of center with a character, the risk pays off in spades. See Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yeah, except not this time. Willy Wonka is a lot of things. Eccentric. A bit sinister around the edges. A bit childlike. Mysterious. What he is not is a foppish sociopath with a nasal 8-year-old-girl's voice and a flight attendant's inflection. Way, way, way off the mark.

Eh. Rent it, if you like Burton. Otherwise, don't waste your time. And if you are going to let your children see this movie, please, I implore you, make them read the book too.

FANTASY! - Mystical, magical mayhem! You feel the
urge to write of fantastic worlds that never
were and the beings that might live there. Are
they Lands of Wonder or adventures of Magical
Folly? JRR Tolkien and Tanith Lee are your
guides.

What Kind of Novel Should I Write?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks to UV for this quiz. Also, I dunno who Tanith Lee is.